//began this post around April 2013. did not publish it then but decided to now.
As the sky sits gray outside the front window.
I sit in here, in the golden glow of the little lamp atop my curbside-find-bookshelf.
Sipping Masala chai (compliments of my time in Kenya last August as a nurse).
Nibbling a small slice of leftover birthday cake from Mom's surprise tea party last Sunday.
My heart full, yet yearning so deeply for so much more than this.
I used to pray, daily, for my future and for God to do with me what He wants.
When life got shitty, and I got hard. It seems I gave that up. or it somehow slipped away.
As I sit here in this very full life, there remains longings within me.
Longings for what is to come, or what was.
Longing for things to be ok with Promise. For the grief to let up.
And sometimes it does, or maybe I'm more accepting of it at times, and even steep in it.
Longings for being in Africa again. To serve and live among the poor and needy.
To help the sick and dying orphans. The 143 Million of them.
To give away my shoes, and all I have to those who need it more.
And travel around. Just like I had visions of doing many years ago. I was fed up with life here,
and not knowing what I should do next (post-high school), and being sick of being asked
what i want to do / where to go to college? blah, blah, blah... (there's SO much more to life, so much to explore in the world, I think we need to start thinking outside the status quo and more college kids should take gap years to volunteer, travel, work, heck, explore who they are.)
Longings for singing & dancing among Africans under a big, beautiful tree in the bush. (I have dreamed of this for many years now.)
Longings to have children of my own. to be married and in love with my husband.
Longings to operate a bakery / ministry from my home.
Longings to open a safe-home for young, dying HIV/AIDS women, pregnant teens, abandoned babies.
