My Mom, the other day, said to me to stay fresh in the area of relationships. She reminded me how God is writing my life-story, my love-story. It will be different than my friends, different than my siblings. HE is writing it.
Indeed, I don't want to become hardened in the area of relationships. But what if I already am? I feel so cynical at times. I told her this. Mom, I think I already am hard, I don't think I have a fresh view. I find myself thinking of how an ideal relationship would be, but in reality things have happened so differently than I imagine, or than I would like.
Growing up I read probably a dozen books on dating and courtship. I have all this head knowledge. These expectations. It's hard for me to just be myself around guys sometimes. Maybe I will live out my life unmarried. As I get older, not that 25 is old, but nonetheless as I get older I am more and more accepting of being single. I have much more contentment in this regard than I did a couple years ago. Truly, I look around and have a full life. Working as a nurse full-time, volunteering weekly, caring for & helping my family, exercising, taking care of my new little house, blessing others, and more. I'm coming into my own person, more and more.
When I gaze back on the year past. I think how different life was 12 months ago. And, when I gaze forward into the unknown, I don't know what is to come. I have only my hopes and plans, but time will tell. It will be interesting to see where 12 months lands me. Abba knows, He knows.
I have this written on my whiteboard... "Be still & know" -love, GOD.
Priscilla, be still. Be still and know that I am God. [psalm 46:10]
