"... It is slow work, so slow that it takes God all time and eternity to make a man and woman after His own purpose. The only way we can be of use to God is to let Him take us through the crooks and crannies of our own characters. It is astounding how ignorant we are about ourselves! We do not know envy when we see it, or laziness, or pride. Jesus reveals to us all that this body has been harbouring before his grace began to work. How many of us have learned to look in with courage?"
"We have to get rid of the idea that we understand ourselves, it is the last conceit to go. The only One Who understands us is God."
--O. Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, January 12th.
//Reading these words tonight in my time with God caused me to stop, pause, and think about this. "The only way we can be of use to God is to let Him take us through the crooks and crannies of our own characters." Ouch! I know I have some "bad parts" to my character. Deep in the crannies of who I am, and boy oh boy, sometimes you do not need to even go very deep into the crannies, you may just "walk past it" and the anger or bitterness or jealousy pops out at ya! My life is not "all together", my heart aches, I rebel, I fail, I fall, my life is MESSY, I swear and cry out and scream to God as I drive in my car at times. "How could it be like this God?" "Why is life so shitty?" "God, do you hear me?"
He does hear; He listens and KNOWS. He knows already, even before I say a word, He knows. Abba is all-loving, all-powerful. He clothes the lilies of the fields, and how much more, does He care for ME?!
Okay, so, God understands. Somehow, God sees all my shit, and STILL loves me, and calls me DAUGHTER... I have loved you with an e-v-e-r-l-a-s-t-i-n-g LOVE, Abba whispers. (Jeremiah 31:3)
I have been stuck thinking for a while now that because life has been so, so hard the past year and I've got some shenanigans going on, and I just didn't feel like praying a lot of the time; that I don't need to come in prayer to God. However, recently I was pondering that, and realized I don't need to get my shit together or "feel like it" or have the right words, to start praying again more. I can pray right here, in the middle of my mess, just come near to God in Jesus in the midst of whatever I'm going through or fighting or dealing with. God sees me, right where I'm at.
