inside my head, is just a big mess of thoughts.
i have not a clue about how to get it all out.
but i will make an attempt here.
i have been feeling blah about my walk with Jesus.
i mean, i know i love Him, but i've felt much like
i;m going through the motions more then really living it out.
my mind and body have been moving in my walk with Him,
but my heart has been elsewhere.
Wanting to love Jesus and live for Him is different then
really loving Him and living for Him.
I'm frustrated because I want to want to live for him, but
is going through the motions really living for him?
If it's not authentic and genuine then what is the point?
i am so broken. i am broken before God. I am his piece of work.
my dear friend reminded me tonight that God loves.
even in my brokenness - God still loves me and thinks I'm beautiful.
HE LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT!
so, for now i'm trying to let that resonate and sink in my mind and heart.
I don't want to go through the motions anymore.
i want this walk with Jesus to be genuine.
I'm gonna stop trying to pull myself together
or place blame or shame on myself when I think I should share
the gospel and don't or when i feel like i'm a failure.
i want to stop putting so much pressure on myself.
I just want to bask and rest in God's great love for me.
Lord, pursue my heart. I need you.
in due time, I will feel compelled to share Christ with genuineness.
//Lord Jesus, come quickly.
peace&joy, Cil
p.s. tomorrow is my 23rd birthday!!!
I'm growing old gracefully ;)
